The authentic self communicates heart-centred desires or choices. These can feel in opposition with staying attached. So in order to stay attached (read ‘accepted, loved and/or safe), we are often faced with conflicting feelings— one from the heart and one from the brain-centred attachment system. This happens in little and big ways when we are quite young, for example— the desire to dress as a pirate for school which goes against the school uniform. As a primary schooler, I have a vivid memory of choosing to wear a bright red jumper and knee high socks to my school where everyone wore dark green and white. I look back and chuckle at how boldly I would have stood out on the playground. However, I was given space to be authentic. The very word ‘uniform’ describes the very tension between Self and Other and what Other is often asking of us— ‘having always the same form, manner, or degree : not varying or variable’